When my husband and I decided to start trying to have another baby, I’ll be the first to admit I was leery.
We had been blessed with a beautiful and healthy baby boy about 2.5 years prior and he is an absolute joy and gift to our lives.
But for an entire year after he was born, I suffered from post-partum depression and it was some of the most miserable moments of my life. I had never felt more hopeless and out of control of my own feelings and emotions. Don’t get me wrong, I loved and adored my baby boy and was able to find happiness in the many milestones he made that year. But I was just a shadow of who I once was. It was frightening. And what’s worse is I didn’t really know it, until after it had passed.
And thankfully it did pass. I slowly regained my strength and clarity and faced life with a hopeful outlook again. My little boy seemed to get nothing but cuter, sweeter and smarter every day and I was absolutely smitten with him.
I finally started to feel like I had this mom life figured out. I started working out again, regaining some me time and felt like I was getting my groove back so the thought of starting all over again didn’t exactly excite me.
People naturally asked all the time when we were going to have another one and I openly told them I wasn’t sure if we would. I wasn’t sure I was capable of being a good wife and mother if we had another one, not to mention, I wasn’t in a hurry to risk going through that mental distress again.
And so began the prayers for Faith.
No I didn’t start praying for a baby girl. I didn’t even pray for another baby. I simply confessed to God my complete lack of confidence in myself and my complete trust in Him and His plan for my life. I flat out told Him that He made me and knew my life from beginning to end and that if He thought I could handle being a mom again, then He would need to make it happen, and convince me otherwise also.
I was completely content knowing that I was already blessed beyond measure with an incredible husband and an amazing son. If I never had another baby, I knew my heart was full and that this was God’s plan. I left it in His overwhelmingly capable hands.
Months go by and no baby. Meanwhile friends all around me are getting pregnant and I am genuinely thrilled for them. Each of them adding to their families in different ways at different stages that looked nothing like mine. That was God’s plan for them and there is nothing more beautiful than His plan and His timing.
In August, a horrific Hurricane smothered our area full of disaster. If your house wasn’t damaged, there was a guilt that you felt that wouldn’t go away. So you resort to doing anything you can to help those that were. For me, that was to rid my home of anything extra I had to give to those who had lost everything. Fortunately, a new friend of mine had the same mindset with bigger resources and I was able to team up with her in offering a free community garage sale. There is nothing like thinking of others to get your mind off of yourself.
When I tell you I got rid of stuff, I mean I got rid of years worth of baby clothes I had saved in case we had another boy along with a high chair, bumbo seat, etc. My mindset was, I wasn’t guaranteed another baby, much less another boy, so why not share with someone in need now.
And that’s exactly where God wanted me to be. He knew I wasn’t going to force something to happen if it wasn’t His will. He could tell that I had complete faith in Him and His plan and that my prayer was in fact genuine. And somewhere amidst those days of reaching out and recovery, baby Faith became a reality.
When we first found out, tears filled my eyes. If you know me, I am not a crier. I’m sure there’s something wrong with me, but let’s not go there today.
I cried because I was so humbled at the fact that God considered me trustworthy to raise another one of His precious children. It is not an honor I take lightly.
I have a tool that I have mentioned before, The Power of a Praying Parent by Stomie Omartian, that is invaluable to me. I have prayed these prayers since before Tripp was born and now began praying them over my new pregnancy. In the book, it gives you a space to fill in your child’s name into the prayer. I would pray for Tripp and baby Faith. Again, I wasn’t praying for a girl. This baby was a baby born out of my faith in God and His mutual faith in me as a mother. Therefore that would be the name I prayed until I knew what the baby’s name would actually be.
So when we found out it was a girl, there was really no question in my mind that that’s what her name would be. Thankfully, my husband loved it as well. And so here I am, almost halfway through carrying sweet baby Faith in my belly. She is a gift I know, but she will also always be a reminder to me to rely on God and His plan.
Parents need Jesus! We seriously cannot handle these little handfuls without Him. And He doesn’t want us to. So if you haven’t already purchased The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian, send me a message and I would love to buy it for you. It’s not the only godly resource you should use, but it is certainly my favorite.
And if you have or are currently struggling with post partum depression, I would love to pray for you and help in any way I can. It is nothing to be ashamed of and it is definitely worth discussing. You are not alone. You are a beautiful, daughter of God and He wants you to be your best you for Him and for the family He’s given you. Take care of yourself girls. God loves you and I do too.